NOTE--this is only an update on my last entry.

My grandmother's out of the hospital again, but isn't doing her best...she's been much better. I finally saw her, and she's incredibly pale, and has lost A LOT of weight. But, if she's well enough to leave the hospital, we shouldn't be too concerned, right?

And some friend! In my last journal entry, I told you how the guy I like, likes my "best friend". I also told you that me and that so-called "friend" weren't talking. We started talking again...about four days ago. Not long, right? So, of course, since he likes her, he's gonna spend time with her, you know? And I asked her if she liked him in that way--she said no. I was fine with that. Two days after I ask her this, which was yesterday, I find out they're going out. I can't even believe how badly I wanted to physically harm her. She either lied to me, or him. Either way, if she liked him, she should've fucking told me instead of going out with him and KEEPING it from me like the little bitch she is. I found out yesterday in the middle of the school day...and not even from him or her. I had to find out through another friend, which pissed me off even more. I skipped three out of five classes yesterday crying my fucking eyes out in the bathroom. It pissed me off beyond belief. I wasn't even sad, I was...infinite times beyond furious. I kept absolutely NOTHING from her about this entire situation. I told her the day before yesterday that "I seriously think I'm about two days away from loving him."
She sits there and tells me how "cute" that is, and that she'd never tell him yes and ruin our friendship...and then that happened. The exact same day during lunch, she's all in my face, joking around like nothing's wrong and didn't even think to tell me.
I don't care. I honestly hope she reads this. She's dead to me. They can have a fucking kid for all I care. I'm done with them both.

And, my brother hasn't been home in three days, isn't answering his phone, and we have no idea where he's at. I'm extremely worried about him...he left in a good mood and said he'd be back later. I hope to God he's okay..

And with all of this shit crawling through my mind, as if it isn't enough, my own mother thinks I'm suicidal. I've shown her my wrists, which only have scars, no cuts. She took down my ceiling fan because she thought I'd hang myself, she "supervises me" while I use the vaccuum cleaner, and thinks this whole sickness with me throwing up after I'm finished eating is on purpose. I know my life kinda sucks right now, but I will eventually get over it, and I'm fully aware of that. It just hurts now, a whole hell of a lot, but I'm not going to end my life over it...and besides, if I was suicidal, I probably would've killed myself by now. If she considers me suicidal for puching walls until knuckles start breaking, and screaming 'til my voice is gone, then call me suicidal all you want. Whatever.

Sorry if this was a waste of your time, I just needed to vent. I'm trying my hardest to keep the next chapter going, and hopefully I can start editing it soon.
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